Tag Archives: #kids

What Does Marriage Have To Do With It?

I told you readers a while ago…okay…maybe it was 2 or 3 blogs ago…that I would talk about my roller coaster marriage to Mr. SN.  I think now’s as good of a time as any.  We’ve been together for 15 years.  I was 20 and he was 22 when we got married…definitely not an ideal situation considering I was already married (and quickly divorced once before).  Though I think I explained it before…we just kind of decided to get married…and did so in a flower shop in a strip mall in Aiken, SC by a Notary Public of the Gospel.  We didn’t say vows or exchange rings.  We just signed papers.  We went to TGI Fridays or Ruby Tuesday and then bowling for our honeymoon.

Let me preface this next part by saying that I love Mr. SN…but what were we thinking?!?  Our marriage has been up and down since the beginning.  We literally have had fist fights…we have beaten each other up…this was early on in our marriage…and never ever in front of oldest (he will have his own moniker soon enough…he has a story).  We grew out of that phase.  Honestly…there were so many years of this marriage where we were just on autopilot.  Because of my past sexual abuse (again…another story…probably a series of them)…sex really has never been my thing, but we do have sex and I’m learning to enjoy it.  On top of that…I have had a series of shitty relationships not just with men…but with people in general.  My people picker has evolved some…but I still pick a bad apple here and there (or maybe I’m the one that’s the bad apple…that’s something I need to assess).  Though I consider myself very far on the path to whole…I still am a work in progress when it comes to some things…and may always be. When I met my husband…you could probably say that I was looking for some type of normalcy in my life.  I’m sure most people will say that they never considered their lives to be normal…I actually embrace the abnormal in most things…but for a home life…I want semi-normal.  I wanted oldest to have that…and I want the same for youngest (again…he’ll get his own moniker too).  The inception and initial years of our marriage were very nontraditional.

We got out of the Army and relocated here in the Great Northeast.  He got a job working about two hours away. Minus one job that he had for about a year or so, he’s worked about two hours away since we moved here in 2001.  He just wasn’t present, plus the job he had before the one he has now had him traveling for six months at a time.  It got to the point where he was a stranger to us all.  I took on the role of superwoman.  I did everything and it became expected of me to do everything.  I took care of the house, the bills, the kids, the appointments, the running, cooking, shopping (even for clothes for Mr. SN) cleaning, plus I worked full time and went to school full time.  All he did was wake up, commute to work, work, commute home, eat, watch TV, go to bed, repeat.  On weekends he would sit and watch TV or play video games. We rarely did anything as a couple or as a family.  If we did something as a couple, it was with all of my brothers, nephews, cousins and their girlfriends/wives.  If we did something as a family, it involved all of my family.  He lived the life of a single man…he came and went as he pleased…he was always going to concerts, staying down in MD for drinks with his friends, things like that.  I rarely had chances to go out with my friends unless my parents would keep the kids.

I never felt appreciated but I never said anything.  Probably the most I’ve done was dropped hints though I’ve never been one to not say anything…though I actually am very much one to keep the peace.  If I did get appreciation, it was from someone else…which I will talk about here in a second. It got to the point where I just became exhausted with all that I was doing, with him, with myself, with our kids, with life, with everything.  Though I never had any type of physical relationship with anyone else because like I said earlier the sex thing is still somewhat an impediment for me and it’s something I can’t just go and do…I did find myself during these years having emotional affairs with other men…they weren’t even in person…they were online with people I knew.  It was more of an ego stroke than anything…something that validated what I already knew about myself but that I let get taken from me.  Mr. SN knows about them…I showed him.  He didn’t consider them affairs because there wasn’t ever anything romantic or sexual discussed…it was more me venting and them making me feel better and vice versa.

So anyway…I ended up having back-to-back-to-back-to-back surgeries and got put on disability through work.  That was the best thing to ever happen to me, honestly. I got to rest and recover and come up with a plan. I got to go back to counseling during that time and figured out some things, including what I was going to do.  That’s when I decided that a break would be the best thing for us. I wrote him a letter because it wasn’t something that I wanted to say out loud.  It basically said that I wanted a break.  That I loved him, but I didn’t like where the marriage was heading. I didn’t like being taken for granted even though I basically gave him permission to do it because I didn’t put my foot down.  That I wanted him to grow up and be more responsible and be a husband and dad otherwise I would be more than happy to leave. We talked and we agreed to take a break…to stay married but to see other people…to see if what we thought we had with each other was a fluke or if the grass was greener on the other side.  I was prepared for the outcome whether it was to stay together and work on it or to leave with the kids.

So did we ultimately decide that our marriage was a fluke or is the grass greener on the other side????  You’ll have to wait until tomorrow to see.

Sorry this is so long… ❤ SN


I love the ellipsis…

DISCLAIMER: I HAVE A KILLER MIGRAINE AND AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT COMES OUT OF MY FINGERTIPS

Sorry solo reader…it took me a while to pry myself out of the ice with a spatula..but I’m back.  In all seriousness, I actually have a consistent 3 readers now (thank you so much) and have just been wicked busy.  I haven’t yet mastered the art of blogging and scheduling blogs or how to gain blog audiences. This is more just an outlet for me that maybe people will or won’t want to read that I may or may not give direction to at one point or another.  With all that being said, I will take the time now to give you a proper introduction.

I honestly forget what I wrote in my original intro…so again, I’m your ninja of the suburban variety.  I live pretty much in the same place I was born and raised, but that’s not to say that I’ve never left here…cause I have…but patience…I’ll tell you about that in a second.  I’m married with 2 sons, one who just turned 16 and one who will be 7 in March.  I’m not working right now, though I did go to school for Chemistry back in the day.  I’m a wife, mom, student of Psychology and life and whatever else you wanna throw at me. My husband travels pretty extensively for his job to far away lands which really isn’t conducive to me working outside of the home because my youngest son’s autistic and has appointments often while my older son and I have our own health issues that we deal with, which are nothing big deal, but things that require semi-regular treatment. Umm…let’s see.  Medically, I have killer migraines, some spinal injuries that need to be fixed at some point, PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) but I like to think I have it pretty mildly, along with wicked anxiety, some depression, and some crazy PTSD which stems from some nasty stuff that happened to me in my past at the hand of my brother, which I will gladly tell you all.  It’s nothing shameful for me and I’m very open about it. Haha.  I didn’t think I’d be telling 3 readers my medical issues.

I was married and divorced before and then remarried. We’ve been remarried for almost 14 years.  They haven’t been all Matt Damon (my term for peachy, great), but they’ve been worth it because at the end of the day he’s the guy I want to sleep with and wake up next to.  I will make it a point to tell you about the ups and downs and endless abysses of heartbreak that once was our marriage.  I actually met them both in the Army.  I was in the Army…neat right?  I went to basic training in Fort Jackson, SC where I met my first husband…we married in Aiken, SC when we were in AIT at Fort Gordon, GA on December 7, 1996 (should’ve seen that coming with it being the anniversary of the Attack on Pearl Harbor) and had the oldest a little over a year later then separated a few months after that.

What else…with me…what you see is what you get.  I’m typing to you in the exact same way I’d say this to you I only go back for typos and missed spaces.  I believe in conversational writing…I write enough formal papers for school that I say leave those beasts behind.  I love the ellipsis obviously…so much so that I should’ve been a lawyer, as they’re most commonly used in legal documents.  If you saw me…I don’t wear makeup unless it’s for special occasions or I’m just dying to wear makeup, both which are pretty rare.  I’ve been told I’m naturally beautiful. I don’t see it. I see a plain girl with wild and crazy brown hair and brown eyes that sometimes border on being almost black except for on the outer iris.  I’m 5’5″, 145ish, I’m usually wearing something I’m either wearing to the gym or something I’ve already worn to the gym…you have to smell me to see and likely a robe.  If I’m not in gym attire, I’m wearing pajamas, sometimes jeans and a shirt. I rarely wear dresses.  My identifying marks are freckles all over my eyelids and under my eyes, several scars, and a ninja with a throwing star tattooed on my left outer leg by my ankle bone.  🙂

I love to read, to write, to sit in silence, music of all kinds, I’m an avid collector of unread magazines and dust bunnies, I love Internet freebies and contests and just recently won 5 free Snickers bars that I probably won’t ever eat, but will buy for other people to eat.  I eat fairly healthy.  I live in a crappy house, which is a long, long story for another time, but if you have $100,000 or know someone that might want a charity case with a great story, send them my way.  I volunteer with a rape organization, I volunteer at my son’s school. I love both of those things. I’m fascinated by people in general and the way they work so sometimes I just sit on Facebook and observe my friends and family or watch people interact on like news articles.  I love my family, not just my husband and kids, but my parents and my 3 older brothers (even the bad one in my way, but he continues to be a perv even though I’m 35)…I’m the baby and only girl…well I have a niece, but in my immediate family. Hmm…I feel like I’ve told you my whole life story. If you have questions or concerns about anything, please ask.  I will answer pretty much anything or help you as much as I possibly can.  If I can’t help you, I guarantee I know someone that can.

Sorry for being long-winded…sorry for not blogging recently.  I promise I’ll write regularly.  I’m going to try to come up with a schedule like normal bloggers do.  It’s my goal this year to get into a good routine.  This will be part of it.  Consider yourself part of my experiment…mwhahaha.

❤ SN